"When Death Knocks" Symposium Brings Together Religious Leaders and Home Funeral Advocates/Educators

Our symposium here in Greensboro, N.C., many months in the making, is over -- and what a weekend it was! I tallied the evaluation sheets this afternoon and from all accounts, the event was deeply appreciated by the 110 people who registered as well as others who attended the Friday night talk by Mark Harris.

"When Death Knocks: A Community Symposium" offered each participant a choice of three workshops among 11 options ranging from the conventional to the alternative. Several were directly related to home funerals, including C. L. Hickerson's workshop on the home funeral and burial of his mother Nellie Hickerson on the family's 80-acre homestead in Randolph County, a workshop by Ahmad-Rufai Abdullah and David Zaborsky on Muslim and Jewish funeral customs and interfaith collaboration around community care of the dead, and Sandy LaGrega's workshop on natural burial and care of the body at home. I offered copies of "Undertaken With Love" to those who showed an interest in home funerals, and of course Mark Harris' Friday night talk on natural alternatives to the modern funeral portrayed home funerals and natural burials as the most environmentally considerate options in final arrangements. Carol Cothern's workshop on funeral myths and consumer rights educated participants about their rights and responsibilities in home death care as well.

While the symposium was intended primarily for Piedmont Triad residents, we had people register from afar. Funeral Consumers Alliance members from Wilmington, Asheville and the Triangle came, and home funeral educators came from Asheville and Pennsylvania. The award for the furthest distance goes to Joyce Mitchell of our own "Undertaken With Love" project, who flew in just for the symposium all the way from Provo, Utah! We also had a film crew from Indiana University that is working on a documentary on American funeral practices for its PBS affliate.

The symposium was co-sponsored by Funeral Consumers Alliance of the Piedmont, FaithAction International House, and the Sophia Center for Life Studies of Greensboro. Many, many people contributed time, money and endorsements to make it possible, but I think one of the biggest factors behind its success was the support and involvement of Greensboro's interfaith religious communities. My personal passion has been working to involve faith communities in working toward funeral reform and in reclaiming their voice in shaping the etiquette of funeral practices in America -- and this event shows how many more people can be reached with our message of options and possibilities when religious leaders and institutions join our work.

We are especially grateful to First Lutheran Church for hosting our event. Its sanctuary was a lovely contemporary backdrop for Mark Harris' presentation; its fellowship hall offered comfortable seating for our catered lunch; and the classroom facilities were amazingly well equipped.

One of my personal hopes is that one outcome of the symposium will be the start of a few congregational committees to explore the concept of home funerals via our guide Undertaken With Love.

New Blog Host

This blog, new to Blogger/Blogspot, is connected to the Undertaken With Love web site and will include announcements of new content on that site as well as other timely information as circumstances arise.

The regular site does offer a blog option -- and the earlier posts here came from that -- but it was more limited in terms of design, layout and the ability of readers to easily subscribe and unsubscribe and stay informed.

I hope this site will become more participatory with time. It's always gratifying to hear from our readers!

Finding a Flexible Funeral Director

Finding a Flexible Funeral Director
Holly Stevens Posted by Holly Stevens at 08:16 PM on February 22, 2009 Delete delete Overlays edit Comments comments (0)

I'm starting to have conversations with other home funeral advocates in my town about how we might go about identifying funeral homes and FDs who would be flexible about working very minimally with a family that wants to direct its own funeral but wants just a bit of assistance with an item or two.

I'm wondering if others on this list have deliberately sought out such FDs and, if so, I'd love to hear from them about how they went about it.

It seems that one of the key steps to take is to clarify what it is we want to know and which questions would get at the information we'd need. It's challenging, because the needs and preferences of families directing their own funerals are so diverse.

One area of inquiry might be the basic services fee. In almost all of our funeral homes here, it is obviously discounted for immediate burials, direct cremations and receiving and forwarding of remains, although only one of our funeral homes actually states on its GPL that the basic services fee is discounted for these services. I wonder if the FTC has commented on this practice of discounting -- and whether it might be used to the advantage of family-directed funerals where such common basic services as securing the death certificate and sheltering the body aren't even necessarily provided by the funeral home?

If others have approached funeral homes in their areas on behalf of family-directed funeral fans, I hope you'll share here about your experience, how you went about it, what you learned, and what came of it. Did you do it in person? Did you issue any sort of survey? What reactions did you get? Did you do any follow up? Was it a valuable process?

A Post for Non-Coloradans

The other day I posted an alert from Karen Van Vuuren of Natural Transitions about a hostile body of legislation that would effectively ban home funerals in Colorado. I hoped it would spur Colorado readers to take action.

This post is to ask the rest of our readers to respond. Van Vuuren assures me that our letters and appeals are vitally important. The legislation is being hailed by its supporters as being a significant step toward regulating the funeral industry for the public good, but the Devil is in its details, vague language, and far sweeping powers that seem aimed more at protecting the funeral industry's turf.

You can be sure other state regulatory bodies -- almost all predominantly populated with industry insiders -- will be watching to see what happens. We need to show that funeral consumer advocates in general and home funeral advocates in particular know how to rally in response!

First, take just a few minutes to see the actual bill. See how sloppy and vague it is. See how it places at risk those who assist families WITHOUT COMPENSATION in caring for their dead. See how difficult it makes it for newcomers to enter the funeral trade. See how it requires funeral directors to gain experience in cremation and embalming even if they would rather not participate in those practices.

You don't have to read it all to get the gist.

Second, look at Josh Slocum's excellent critique:

Third, take one or more actions.

* If you are in a chapter of Crossings or another sympathetic group, generate a petition to voice your opposition, then email Karen Van Vuuren to let her know: info@naturaltransitions.org

* If you have friends or relatives in Colorado who might spend just a minute on the matter, have them contact their legislator to oppose Colorado House Bill 09-1202, "Concerning the Regulation of Persons Who Provide for the Final Disposition of Dead Human Bodies in the Normal Course of Business." If they do not know who their representative is, have them go here: http://www.votesmart.org/

* Email the Colorado House Appropriations Committee, which will be the first to examine the bill, then email Karen Van Vuuren at info@naturaltransitions.org to let her know:

Representative Jack Pommer

Representative Mark Ferrandino

Representative Don Marostica

Representatives Bob Gardner
.
Representative Joel Judd

Representative John Kefalas

Representative Andy Kerr

Representative James Kerr

Representative Elizabeth McCann

Representative Sal Pace

Representative Jim Riesberg

Representative Jerry Sonnenberg

Representative Glenn Vaad


*Write to or email the bill's sponsor to ask her to seek input from consumer groups and funeral consumers, then email Karen Van Vuuren t info@naturaltransitions.org to let her know you did
The sponsor is:
Representative Nancy Todd
District 41
200 E. Colfax
Denver CO 80203.
nancy.todd.house@state.co.us
303-866-2919

Finding a Flexible Funeral Director, Part 2

Rev. Lynn Acquafondata of Pittsburgh, Penn., has worked with funeral homes in her area to identify those that will offer flexible services to families that want to provide most of the care of their own dead.

Acquafondata is an end-of-life guide who guides families through the process of directing their own funerals, assisting at whatever level they desire, but take care not to provide services that only a licensed funeral director can perform, since she is paid for these services. That meant thoroughly grasping what her boundaries would be as she sat up her business. Fortunately, she found a funeral home that helped her achieve clarity about these boundaries (which aren't an issue for a family caring for its own dead).

"I think advance contacts are best so that the funeral homes are familiar with what I am doing and I know ahead of time I have their support," she says. "The local Funeral Consumers' Alliance gave me names of funeral homes who were most likely to be receptive. One funeral home owner was helpful in several ways in getting my business started such as helping to identify the laws I need to be aware of and the boundaries I need to make clear in order not to be sued by competitive and sometimes contentious local funeral homes. He came up with a price list for services which my clients may need/want that I cannot offer such as transportation of the body and securing permits and death certificates.

"A second funeral home does not see me as a competitor, but as offering a complementary service. They said they would put my flyers out. They are going to come up with a similar price list for me. I'm meeting with a crematory owner sometime this week. I know these
people are likely the exceptions, but it's good to know ahead of time I have some funeral directors I can work with as needed," says Acquafondata.

A Unitarian Universalist ordained minister, Acquafondata calls her new venture "Final Journey Home."

Colorado Bill Threatens Home Funerals in That State

We just received this alert from Natural Transitions in Colorado:

House Bill 1202 takes Colorado from no licensing of funeral directors to the introduction of a bill that would bring some of the most stringent, restrictive funeral legislation in the US. Provisions force families to use mortuaries where they would rather not.

For more information, see our Colorado funeral laws page.

New Page on the Funeral Rule

Most laws affecting home funerals are promulgated at the state level. But you can benefit from grasping the chief measures of the Funeral Rule, a body of funeral consumer protection regulations introduced in 1984 by the Federal Trade Commission. Now we have a page that describes its relevance to home funerals. Click on "The Funeral Rule" in the left side menu.